Friday, July 17, 2009

You know I'm being emo when...

I've updated my Twitter more than once in six hours and they aren't cheery messages.

Today was one of those days. I got a ton done during the day, but then I went back to work. It slipped from there.

Friday afternoons are notorious for inspiring insipidity within the counselors at the camp where I work. Of course, being within one minor screw-up of losing this job (Bloomington is strict, really strict) I am not one to sit back and phone an afternoon in. I enjoy playing with the kids: the fact that I get paid to do so is just a bonus. So when my colleagues act their age it bothers me more than a little bit.

Today I was one of the last to leave, and my boss's boss was hanging out at the park. This is the woman with whom I have been in trouble, and for all intents and purposes been on probation with. Needless to say I am on edge with her, that alone is enough to wreck a perfectly good afternoon. As if to compound my own problems I commented on how I was impressed that she could "still" make it from one end of the monkey bars to the other. Meaning that she possessed the physical size and strength to do so; size being an issue for me and strength being an issue for almost everyone else who works at the camp. In no way did I mean to comment on her age (which is not that old), but in true womanly fashion (apologies for the misogyny) she accused me of just that. She said it in a somewhat light way, but given our history I have no reason to believe that she took it lightly and doesn't hate me more as a result. Thus pushing me deeper in to this self-loathing spiral of abhorrence.

I don't know if anyone reads this, or if any of those readers realize this yet, but I have a tendency to think far too much. This puts all of my stress on a logarithmic scale, escalating my own levels of sorrow and making me more detached and down. If I started content I ended up despondent.

Of course, I didn't just become so emo (if you will), there were other things this evening that helped me become forlorn. However, it is in my own personal interest regarding the many relationships in my life to not disclose those details in such a public manner.

I suppose I have learned from the past in that way. Perhaps that can make things better for tomorrow, and so on.

Look, a cheerful(?) note to end on. How optimistic of me. But the previous sentence ends in a preposition (ahh, there I am again).

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